Watching
by Maxine-san
Summary: The day Yukimura collapses is the day the idea for the switch is born.  A D1 fic [NiouYagyuu] that mostly concentrates on taking a different look at things from Yagyuu's POV.  Finished!


**Watching**

_disclaimer - _Nooooot mine.

_notes_ - This was mostly a WHAT IF sort of idea that I had that wouldn't leave me alone. I don't think it's how I actually see D1, though, but it was interesting to write! Niou/Yagyuu, rated PG-13!

* * *

The day Yukimura collapses is the day the idea for the switch is born.

It happens in the winter, one afternoon towards the end of tennis practice. It's blustery and cold out, but that doesn't stop soon-to-be-regulars and a few scattered third years from using the gyms. Yagyuu's waiting to use the ball machines, watching Yukimura in a semi-interested, mostly bored manner as he hits ball after ball, the thwapping sound his racket makes each time becoming a rhythmic, droning pattern that fades into the background with the other sounds of the gym. Sneakers slapping on the court, the occasional grunt piercing the air.

It isn't until the pattern breaks that Yagyuu focuses on Yukimura again, and only then does he notice something is wrong. He's too pale, he's sweating too much, there are still tennis balls flying past him that he makes no move to hit – and then he falls. Almost in slow motion, his body arching through the air, and then he's on the ground, racket falling from his hand and clattering as it hits the floor and every head in the gym turns in their direction before mass chaos breaks out.

Yagyuu doesn't know what to do. He stands there, the person closest to Yukimura but probably the last to reach him. Yanagi already has his cellphone out, Jackal's run away to find a teacher. Sanada is kneeling on the ground, afraid to touch Yukimura like he thinks he might break him. He's lost his hat somewhere.

He doesn't snap out of it until he feels the hand closing around his forearm, gripping tight, almost painfully so, and only then does Yagyuu manage to tear his eyes away from the boy on the ground.

"What the hell happened?!" Niou's asking, shaking him, trying to get his attention. His eyes are wide, he looks uncharacteristically worried, unnaturally _effected_ by the whole thing. Yagyuu doesn't have an answer for him. He looks around again, spotting Kirihara, sees him shaking and how his eyes are wet. Marui's pacing back and forth not far away.

"_Yagyuu_," Niou snaps again, and there's actually a tremor in his voice this time.

Yagyuu breathes in shakily, releases a slow breath, and has no idea what to do.

"I don't know," he says.

- - - - -

Sanada tries to go with the ambulance when it leaves, but the emergency workers tell him he's not allowed. He's too young and not a family member. Yanagi has to hold him back, grab his wrist and tell him in a quick undertone that Yukimura's parents are already on their way to the hospital.

"We just have to wait," he says, but looks nowhere near as composed as he sounds.

Kirihara breaks then. He's been bouncing up and down, shifting from foot to foot as he tries to wait patiently for news, knowing what's happening around him is more important than sating his curiosity. But he's waited this long and there's still no answers and - "Senpai!" he cries, latching onto Yanagi's arm. "What's going on? Is he okay? Yukimura-buchou's gonna be okay, right? Right??"

"We have to wait," Yanagi says again, and the answer does nothing to quell Kirihara's worrying.

They end up at Yanagi's house. Yagyuu thinks most of the team was trying to follow Sanada, their fukubuchou and therefore leader in Yukimura's absence. Except Sanada looks more lost than anyone and was following Yanagi himself, so that's where they go.

It's late when Yanagi gets the call from Yukimura's father. Yagyuu can only make out bits and pieces of the conversation.

Yukimura has a disease.

He's slowly losing control of his body.

He won't be back in school for awhile.

He might not play tennis again.

_He might not play tennis_.

Sanada has to leave the room when he hears this. Kirihara starts sniffling. Marui looks confused, and Jackal upset.

Yagyuu looks at Niou, sees the sudden fire in his eyes and notices the way his hands clench and unclench at his thighs, and wonders what he's thinking. Wonders why he feels nothing but a blank stretch of emptiness himself.

Yanagi is still on the phone.

Sanada comes back in eventually, a new expression on his face. He's determined. Fierce. He takes one look around, eyeing each of his teammates in turn, and says, "We're going to win Nationals next year."

- - - - -

Yagyuu leaves when Niou does. They walk home together, even though they live in opposite directions of Yanagi's house and there's school tomorrow, so they shouldn't be out late. Yagyuu knows this, is thinking this, but he says nothing as Niou follows him onto the bus.

They're quiet until they reach Yagyuu's stop, and only once they're standing on the sidewalk again, bundled up in their jackets and scarves, does Niou say anything.

"This...really sucks."

And it's such an understatement, such a blunt, surprisingly easy way to sum up the day, that Yagyuu can't help the soft snort that escapes him. Niou hears it, glances at Yagyuu with a bit of a smirk, then lets it fade as he makes a frustrated noise.

"No, but I mean. Seriously. It really, _really_ sucks." He's getting angry now, the fire from earlier is back in his eyes, and he kicks angrily at a rock on the path. "He's – it's fucking YUKIMURA, he's supposed to be unbeatable! And now he can't play?! We're supposed to take Nationals together, it's supposed to be his third year winning!"

"We'll take Nationals for him," Yagyuu says, shoving his hands into his coat pockets. He watches Niou carefully.

"I don't want to take Nationals _for_ him," Niou says scornfully. "I want to take Nationals WITH him." He stands for a moment, breathing erratic, then suddenly lets loose and kicks the pole of the bus-stop sign with a yell that's sure to send people running to their windows. "It's not supposed to be like this!" he exclaims, and then punches the sign, too.

Yagyuu isn't sure what do to do. Part of him wants to scream in frustration, too, to find his own sign to punch. He wants to grab his hair and scream and yell and kick things at the unfairness of it all, but a bigger part doesn't let him do that. The part that keeps him in check, lets him keep his calm mask. He keeps watching Niou, watches as he lets the anger take over, lets his irritation show. He watches, as always, just _watches_ as Niou lets his carefree facade slip to show how he really feels, and one thought flickers through Yagyuu's head.

_I want that_.

- - - - -

The idea doesn't occur to him for tennis purposes. Not at first. It forms slowly over the course of the night, sounding so impossible and ridiculous in his head that he doesn't think he'll ever actually be able to mention it out loud.

He drags Niou away from the bus-stop, doesn't stop until they reach his house and are safely in his room. Niou yanks his arm free from Yagyuu's grip, tears off his jacket and drops his scarf on the ground, and then all but throws himself onto the bed.

"I'll kill him if he's not back in time for Nationals," he grumbles, but the energy seems to have left him by now, which Yagyuu is grateful for because he doesn't need Niou punching anything in his room.

"He'll be back," Yagyuu says, even though he has no way of knowing if this is true or not. He takes a seat in the chair at his computer desk, eyes on Niou. "We should play our best while he's absent, though."

"We'll crush EVERYONE," Niou says, crossing his arms behind his head. "They won't stand a chance. We'll be an unbeatable duo, Yagyuu. Number one in the circuit."

"You want to be memorable?"

"I want to be _unforgettable_."

Yagyuu hums low in his throat, leaning forward in his chair. "Do you think you could replicate my Laser Beam?"

Niou blinks, looking thrown by the question. "Well enough if I had to, yeah. Maybe. I'd have to practice it – but I'm not stealing your moves, Yagyuu, I've got my own game to work on."

"Niou-kun." Yagyuu pauses, tossing the idea around his head once more before coming to a decision. "What if you were me?"

"Eh?"

"It wouldn't be stealing, right?"

"Well...no." Niou's brow furrows. "Because I'd be you." Yagyuu nods, but Niou still looks confused. Actually, he looks more like he thinks Yagyuu's gone off the deep end, and his tone conveys this. "But...I'm _not_ you, Yagyuu."

"So," Yagyuu pushes his glasses further up his nose, lifting his chin a bit, "become me."

_Become me_.

And this is how it starts.

- - - - -

Niou was never one to back down from a challenge and this, at least, is something Yagyuu shares in common with him.

Become me, he'd said, so this is what Niou does. He doesn't act like Yagyuu, he doesn't copy everything Yagyuu does – by the time they're done, he _is_ Yagyuu.

They practice day in and day out and when they finally feel like they've mastered it, even their parents can't tell them apart. Yagyuu knows this because they slept at each other's houses one night in early spring, and the only thing Niou's mother said to him as she ran around the kitchen the next morning was, "You better have studied for that test, Masaharu, you know you're grounded if you bring home another C."

He shares this with a grumpy looking Niou later at school, and the only thing Niou says in reply is, "Your sister says I snore. Apparently you don't." Yagyuu's parents might not have noticed, but his younger sister had, which mostly just amuses Yagyuu. But it's also because of this that they start having sleepovers together, so they can get even each other's sleeping habits correct.

Rikkai practices throughout the winter whenever the gyms are free, and on the off days Yagyuu and Niou work on their own game. They show up for the first official day of practice as each other. Most of their teammates are aware of the switch by now. They've been there during school hours when it's failed, been victims of it when it hasn't. So that it takes an hour of drills and nearly half an hour of practice matches for Yanagi to remember that Niou has a habit of dropping his racket three-quarters of an inch lower than Yagyuu when he hits a backhand shot, thus giving them away, is what Yagyuu considers their ultimate triumph.

They don't use it in every match, knowing that if they did so the surprise would be gone. They save it for the Regionals, their match against Seigaku and the infamous Golden Pair.

It works better then Yagyuu ever thought it would.

They win their match, making two total wins for the team. They're well on their way to victory, to winning Regionals and then Nationals down the road. The team is pumped, everyone is excited-

And then Yanagi loses.

- - - - -

Yagyuu is Niou when they first get the news that Yukimura will be going in for surgery. They're sitting around after practice doing cool-down stretches when Yanagi gets the phone-call.

"There's a good chance it'll be successful," he tells them after he hangs up. "And if it is, Seiichi should be back with us in time for Nationals."

There is silence for a moment, so quiet it's almost roaring in their ears, and then Kirihara speaks up.

"...Buchou's coming back?" he asks, his entire face lit up with hope.

"Most likely," Yanagi replies, and then suddenly everyone's talking, bubbling over with excitement, unable to hold it in. Even the corners of Sanada's mouth are turned up in what could probably pass for a smile. Yagyuu wants to grin, wants to stand up and cheer, but holds back as usual. He looks across at Niou, sees him looking back, notices the way his lips press into a thin line, and raises his eyebrows in question.

Then without warning he's being kicked in the shin, Niou's expression is turning exasperated, and Marui's standing above them with his hands on his hips saying, "Oy, did you two switch again? I swear, I don't even know who's who anymore."

And then it clicks. He _should_ be grinning. He should be dancing, grabbing Kirihara's arms and swinging him around, draping an arm over Jackal's shoulder and pestering Yanagi for more information.

"Way to go, Yaaagyuu," Niou's saying, taking off his glasses and shooting Kirihara a peace sign. And it's over, it's too late, Yagyuu can't be Niou when people _know_ he is, that's not how it works. So he remains impassive, shares a relieved look with Yanagi, and doesn't steal Sanada's hat and tell him to look less grumpy after hearing such good news.

- - - - -

Yagyuu is Yagyuu after they win their match. He is Yagyuu after Rikkai loses. He is Yagyuu as they sit in the waiting room, hoping Yukimura's surgery will be completed successfully. He's Yagyuu, so he doesn't stand and pace, doesn't fiddle with all the magazines on the table, doesn't wander off to the snack machines five separate times without actually buying anything. He's patient and calm. Confident. Outwardly he knows Yukimura will be okay, inwardly he has no idea. Inwardly the worry festers, the _what ifs_ claw at him.

He lays his hands flat on his thighs to keep them from shaking, and watches as Niou fiddles with his rattail, picks at his shorts, unties and reties his shoelaces over and over.

He watches, and thinks again.

_I want that_.

- - - - -

The problem is that he has it most of the time, so he's not exactly sure what it is that he wants. Niou doesn't ever argue switching, in fact it's usually his idea. So Yagyuu has more than his fair share of time to goof off and wear every emotion on his sleeve. They're perfect now, they have it down to an art. The only person they haven't been able to trick is Yukimura, who's sitting up in bed now, has color in his face, and will probably be leaving the hospital within the next three days.

The first time they go to visit after his surgery, Yagyuu and Niou are switched. It wasn't planned, they'd done it at school without knowing Sanada was going to drag them to the hospital later. When they walk into the bedroom, Yukimura takes one look at them and says, "Lose the wigs."

He's out of the hospital in two days, back at practice in four. He's weaker, it's obvious, but he trains hard and stays extra hours, and by the time Nationals rolls around, he's ready to beat any opponent he's up against. He's not quite as strong as he was before his collapse, but Yukimura's mediocre is better than most people's best.

A few days before Nationals, Niou follows Yagyuu home again. They sit on the floor of Yagyuu's bedroom, eating the snacks his mother brought up. Yagyuu's eyeing the stack of books by his computer desk, wondering when he's going to finish his summer homework in between all the extra practices they've been having, when Niou speaks.

"Should we do it during Nationals?" he asks, and Yagyuu doesn't have to ask him to clarify.

"Depends on who we're playing," he says. "It might not be worth it for some of the earlier teams."

Niou hums in agreement, then suddenly he's sitting up a little straighter and he's got a different look in his eyes that Yagyuu can't place. "Have you ever wanted to do something crazy?"

"Like what?"

"I dunno." Niou shrugs. "Like jump off a building."

"...Do you have any less life-threatening examples?"

"Alright, jump out of a plane, then. WITH a parachute," he adds quickly at Yagyuu's flat look. "Or...get a tattoo or a nose ring, or dye your hair insane colors!"

"That's called being a punk," Yagyuu says dryly. "Although I can see why you'd mistake it for craziness."

Niou rolls his eyes. "No," he says. "Haven't you ever want to do something...unexpected?"

_Everyday_, Yagyuu thinks, but what he says is: "You do that all the time."

"Doesn't that make me predictable?" He leans back, crossing his arms behind his head. "If I wanted to throw people for a loop, I'd be you. But as me." He slants a look at Yagyuu, a smirk tugging at his lips. "That'd be boring, though."

Yagyuu takes this sentence, switches it around and applies it to himself – _I'd be you, but as me_ – and thinks that's all he's wanted for over half a year now.

It's later when they're sleeping, when Niou's snoring softly as his hand rests on his stomach, skin bare to the world since his shirt's all wrinkled up, that Yagyuu has somewhat of an epiphany.

_I want that_, he thinks, yet again, except Niou's not even doing anything, he's dead to the world as he slumbers, and it takes Yagyuu a minute to figure it out. He rests on his elbow, watching Niou with a furrowed brow, and turns the thought over in his mind, twists it and bends it until he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he finally understands.

_Shit_.

- - - - -

Yagyuu and Niou have never exactly had what one would call a normal relationship. They jumped straight from semi-acquaintances to doubles partners, and filled in the middle gray area of friendship later. They know as much about each other as they do about themselves, know far more details than any people who are merely _friends_ have the right to know about each other. Yagyuu isn't sure where the line is drawn, doesn't know how to define what they have, if it can even _be_ defined. It goes beyond the boundary of any mere label, but how far it stretches isn't something Yagyuu's ever really thought about before.

Now he can't stop.

They don't switch at Nationals until they get to the finals. They're playing Seigaku's Golden Pair again, but because they've already seen the switch and know what to expect, things have to be changed.

So they do it backwards.

They start off as themselves, and don wigs later. Sometimes Yagyuu is Yagyuu, sometimes he's Niou. Sometimes he's Niou when Niou is Yagyuu and sometimes he's Niou when Niou is, too. They change it up every game, have so perfectly mastered being each other that even Seigaku's data master is at a total loss.

They play completely in sync without actually being in Synchro, which, it turns out, is the one advantage the Golden Pair has over them. The game goes into tie-break, stretches into the twenties, thirties, forties, until finally Niou cracks and hits a Laser Beam that isn't as strong as the rest.

Golden Pair wins, 7-6.

"_Fuck_," Niou hisses, falling onto the bench and draping a towel over his face. He's Yagyuu at the moment, but he doesn't seem to care. Yagyuu sprawls out next to him as Niou, and leans into the other boy's side.

"Yukimura gets to play now," he says, which promptly draws Niou out of his moment of self-misery. The bench goes quiet. The stands are full. Every other team in the circuit is there watching, waiting to see if Seigaku's freshman will be good enough to defeat Yukimura in his fresh-out-of-the-hospital state.

Everyone watches, and Yukimura plays.

And plays.

And plays.

And eventually, long after the sun has gone down and the court lights have come on, he wins.

The stands are still crowded and the game didn't even go into tie-break. Yukimura takes his victory, 6 games to 4, and Rikkai goes wild.

They storm the court, Kirihara reaching Yukimura first, Marui and Yanagi not far behind. Sanada hovers at the edge of the group, like he's torn between joining in and making sure Yukimura doesn't feel like he's about to collapse again. True, their captain looks tired, but he's laughing and ruffling Kirihara's hair, and only when he reaches across to grab Sanada's arm, lifting it high in the air with his own, does Sanada finally break out into a grin.

Niou's whooping and jumping on Jackal's back, which is somewhat disconcerting to see when Niou looks like Yagyuu, but Yagyuu thinks it doesn't matter at the moment. He looks around at his team, sees Sanada laughing, sees Yanagi hugging Yukimura, sees himself jumping around like a crazy person, and doesn't care if people know if he's the one who looks like Niou or not.

Yagyuu cheers.

- - - - -

They go to Yukimura's house to celebrate, partying late into the night. Kirihara is the first to drop off to sleep, talking animatedly one minute and then slumping against Yanagi the next as soon as the adrenaline wears off. Marui and Jackal go next, finding their sleeping bags and collapsing on top. They move a drowsy Kirihara over to their corner, and then it's just the five of them.

"You played well," Yukimura says suddenly, glancing to where Yagyuu and Niou are sitting. "But I expect you to win next time."

"You wouldn't have gotten to play if we'd won," Niou points out, adjusting his glasses.

Yukimura gives him a look. "Niou," he says, "lose the wig."

Niou doesn't listen, just grins and sticks out his tongue. They finish off the rest of the food, tell each other jokes and stories, and ask Yukimura if he's feeling alright at least once every five minutes (which gets them smacked on the shoulder each time). They stay up until they run out of things to say, until Niou slips away to the backyard, Yagyuu following him, and then it's just Yukimura, Sanada, and Yanagi huddled together on the couch, talking in low voices.

They shut the screen door gently behind them.

"Can you believe it's over?" Niou says, sitting down on the steps. "Nationals champs."

Yagyuu shrugs, walking out into the yard. He looks around, looks up at the sky, looks everywhere but at Niou. Then he turns around, slouches slightly, and props a hand on his hip. "Yaaagyuu," he drawls, letting his own name stretch over his tongue. Niou blinks, looks at him, and sits up a bit straighter.

"Niou-kun?"

There's a pause, then Yagyuu strolls back over to where Niou is and plops down on the stoop beside him. He breathes in slowly. "Have you ever wanted to do something crazy?"

A beat goes by. Then: "Like what?"

"I dunno. Like jump off a building."

Niou turns towards Yagyuu, grinning. "Do you have any less life-threatening examples?"

Yagyuu swallows. He can do this, he thinks. He's Niou, Niou would do it, he wouldn't hesitate, he lives for the unexpected-

"A few," he says, and then he leans forward before he can change his mind and catches Niou's lips with his own.

A second passes, then two, then three. Yagyuu pulls back, afraid to look, but he's come this far and it's too late to take it back now. He opens his eyes slowly, watching Niou carefully.

The other boy blinks at him. His eyes are already wide. "You – Yagyuu-"

"Niou," Yagyuu says quickly. "I'm Niou."

"But-"

"I'm Niou and I just kissed you."

Niou frowns, his brow furrowing. "How would you respond?"

"You should know." Yagyuu's voice is shaking. "You're me."

The frown deepens. Niou reaches up, taking off his glasses. He reaches for Yagyuu's wig next. "I don't want to be you," he says, then takes off his own wig. He hands Yagyuu the glasses. "_I'm_ Niou." He nods toward the glasses clenched in Yagyuu's hand. "Put those on. And do it again."

Yagyuu is still shaking. "Niou-kun-"

"Do it again," Niou repeats, leaning closer, his eyes hard.

And Yagyuu does. He slides the glasses on, pats down his hair, then he's leaning in and meeting Niou, kissing him again, and Niou's responding, pressing back, curling his hand around Yagyuu's neck.

He pulls back briefly, forehead resting against Yagyuu's. "I don't want to kiss me. I want to kiss _you_."

Which, Yagyuu thinks as he kisses Niou once more, makes a surprising amount of sense.

"And next time," Niou says when they part again, "lose the wig." He smirks, pinching Yagyuu's arm. "Have some guts, will you? Stop using me as a mask."

Yagyuu doesn't know what to say. So he settles for staying silent and kisses him again instead.

Later, though, when Yagyuu's thinking it over as he watches Niou sleep, he realizes Niou is right. It can't be helped, he is who he is. He's not Niou, and even when he is he's not _really_. He has to adapt, evolve, add things to himself, learn to be break through his own mask instead of hiding in Niou's. He can't pretend to be Niou all the time, because that's all it is. _Pretending_.

They work the way they do because they are two complete opposites. They compliment each other, they each lack traits the other has, together they are whole. They work because they're different, and it's better that way.

Anything else would be boring.

**FIN  
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Let me know what you thought, I'm really curious!

- Maxine**  
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